1
00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:02,760
[theme music playing]

2
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,720
[Will] So, I'm halfway through
 my first term in a new school.

3
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,240
Nice badge, dickhead.

4
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:26,560
[Will] And, well,
 it could've been worse.

5
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:27,720
I will get you.

6
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,360
-I still have all my limbs...
 -Hey!

7
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:30,240
Just.

8
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,000
-I've met loads of new people.
-[vomiting]

9
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,200
And best of all, no one's tried
 to fuck my mum yet.

10
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,200
-She's fit.
-She is fit.

11
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,760
Don't have a wank over my mum.

12
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,840
And unlike my old school,
 there were girls here.

13
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,120
And if there's one thing
 I now know about girls,

14
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,000
and let's face it,

15
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,560
there is only one thing
 I now know about girls

16
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:49,200
it's that boys who drive
 are a whole lot more attractive

17
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,360
than those who don't.

18
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:52,280
Careful...

19
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:53,400
[Will] As he was the oldest,

20
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,800
our chances of getting a car
 to impress the ladies

21
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,360
rested on Simon's shoulders.

22
00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:58,760
[instructor] Gently does it.

23
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,640
[Will] Oh, and his stupid,
 uncoordinated size-ten feet.

24
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,440
Careful. Little bit more...

25
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,720
I'm just not great
at parallel parking.

26
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:09,360
Bollocks!

27
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:10,440
[all laughing]

28
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:12,320
Shut up!

29
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:13,240
Si, it's me nan.

30
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:14,920
She wants to know
if you want some help parking.

31
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,640
Steady on, boys.
It's not easy for Simon.

32
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,040
Okay, let's try again.

33
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,200
[engine starting]

34
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:23,800
-[crashing]
-[Simon] Oh.

35
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:25,480
Oh, shit!

36
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:30,480
Right. Um, okay.
Off we go, Simon. Into first.

37
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:31,920
Shouldn't you leave a note?

38
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,000
[instructor]
No, we're driving off.

39
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,520
Quickly now. Drive! Drive!

40
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,840
[Will] So it looked like
 it might be quite some time

41
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,840
before we were picking up girls
 in a car.

42
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,680
Oi, Jay, I have just had
the best lesson ever.

43
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,520
Jack Stephens dropped
his ruler next to Miss Timbs

44
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:56,960
and when she bent over
to pick it up,

45
00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:58,840
I saw loads of leg
on the way down

46
00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:00,440
and a little bit of tit
on the way up.

47
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,600
You lucky git.

48
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,360
Oh, yeah,
and it's all locked away

49
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,160
up here in the visual wank bank.

50
00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:06,840
I thought you passed
your written test?

51
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,600
I did.
I've got the practical tomorrow.

52
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,480
I thought this might give me
a few tips.

53
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:11,560
I don't think there is a section

54
00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:13,440
on how not to be
a whining little bitch.

55
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:14,440
Brilliant.

56
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:15,920
If you pass,
we could go on a road trip.

57
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,640
Could do. We could see what
Carli's doing and go with her?

58
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,320
Look, a car is like
a mobile pulling machine.

59
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,720
Forget about Carli, forget about
all the girls at this school.

60
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,080
There's a whole world of pussy
out there.

61
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,000
He's right,
although expressed it

62
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,800
-like a terrible misogynist.
-Thank you.

63
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:31,160
Why don't you come
to Thorpe Park?

64
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,240
There's always
loads of birds there.

65
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,360
Oh, my God, yes!

66
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,040
Thorpe Park!

67
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:36,360
I can get you free tickets.

68
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:37,720
How?

69
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,520
-I work there.
-Mopping up sick?

70
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:40,400
Some sick.

71
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,600
You never mentioned
you work at Thorpe Park before?

72
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,200
I used to work at ASDA,
you never asked about that.

73
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,880
-Your old man needs the money?
-He doesn't, actually.

74
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,720
Paying for rent boys
can't be cheap, Neil.

75
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:49,640
My dad's not bent.

76
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:50,720
Why's he paying
for rent boys then?

77
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,760
-He's not!
-What, they give him freebies?

78
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,440
I think we should
lay off Neil a bit.

79
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:55,960
Is it right, Neil,
that Thorpe Park

80
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,760
has one of only two
pulley-launched coasters

81
00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:58,640
outside North America?

82
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,760
-I don't know.
-It is right.

83
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:02,440
I don't know
if my dad will let me go.

84
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:03,720
What's it got to do
with your dad?

85
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,920
He's paying for my car. He might
not let me do long journeys yet.

86
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,160
Surely he'll want you
to get sucked off

87
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,920
by a lovely on the teacup ride?

88
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,000
Are there really loads
of girls there, Neil?

89
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:12,880
Oh, yeah.

90
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,680
Sometimes on the rides,
their boobs pop out.

91
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:16,440
You only get
a split second at tits,

92
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,560
they're going at about 70 mph,
but it's still good, though.

93
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:19,600
This is perfect.

94
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,080
Simon passes his test,
drives us to Thorpe Park,

95
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:25,040
Neil gets us freebies,
and I get to ride--

96
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:26,280
A man's cock in the bushes.

97
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:27,920
The Nemesis Inferno.

98
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,560
This is going to be awesome.

99
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:30,840
If I pass my test.

100
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:32,080
[bell rings]

101
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,560
Roller coasters and tits,
this is going to be brilliant.

102
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,440
If I pass my test!

103
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:38,880
[Will] Despite our excitement,

104
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,520
we knew it would take a miracle
 for Simon to pass his test.

105
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:45,000
But miracles often come
 in unlikely packages.

106
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:47,280
Hello, Simon.

107
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,200
I'm Tracey,
your examiner for today's test.

108
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,080
Hello.

109
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,560
Don't look so nervous,
I'm not going to eat you.

110
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:54,840
[chuckles]

111
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:58,600
So, how are you feeling?
Ready to be, um, examined?

112
00:03:58,680 --> 00:03:59,920
I'm a bit nervous.

113
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,600
It's perfectly natural,
sweetheart.

114
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:06,400
We just need to...
loosen you up.

115
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,080
Ease into it.

116
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,600
Now, the first part of the test
is a doddle.

117
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:12,920
All you've got to do is sing out

118
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,840
the registration plate
of that blue car.

119
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,960
Um... Okay. It's...

120
00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,160
It's, um... E

121
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,080
O-S...

122
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,240
No, 5...

123
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:24,640
1...

124
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,480
C-U-Z.

125
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,440
Shit, it's a V not a U,
isn't it?

126
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,800
Well, technically yes,
but, um...

127
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,120
You get a pass on that one
for having such pretty eyes.

128
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,640
Right, to the Batmobile, Robin.

129
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,840
-Sorry?
-Off you pop to your car.

130
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,320
Nice.

131
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,160
Why don't you just let me
help you with that?

132
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,960
So, Simon,
have you got a girlfriend?

133
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,280
Is this part of the test?

134
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,280
No, but I will fail you
if you say yes.

135
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,240
[chuckles] Right,
just slip it into first

136
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,160
and pull out
of the center slowly.

137
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:15,240
[engine starts, stalls]

138
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,120
Shit! I stalled it.

139
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:21,040
False start.
Just relax. Try again.

140
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,080
[Tracey] Oh.

141
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,040
Oh, you're shaking.

142
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,200
I've failed, haven't I?

143
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,800
Shush, silly.
No one's going to fail here.

144
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,400
Um, right, I'm... I'm not sure

145
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,080
that's helping
with the nerves, actually.

146
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,360
Simon, if you don't want
my help, you've only to say.

147
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,800
But trust me, I know
how difficult this test can be.

148
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,000
[engine starting]

149
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:55,080
Good boy. You steer,
and I'll do the pedals.

150
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:56,640
That's the tricky bit.

151
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,960
[Will] Simon never did tell us

152
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:03,400
what happened
 on his driving test.

153
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:24,240
I passed!

154
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,000
-Yay!
-I passed!

155
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,440
First time. So you owe me that,
you little shit.

156
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:31,000
-Hey, I didn't shake on it.
-A bet's a bet. Unlucky!

157
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,960
Oh, well done, Simon.
We knew you'd pass.

158
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,560
Your dad's just bringing round
your new car.

159
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,120
Oh, God, Mum, this is brilliant!

160
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,160
That is not fair.

161
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,240
-You're not allowed to touch it.
-Well, we're very proud of you.

162
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,880
It's a Fiat or something,
but he says it is second-hand.

163
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,240
God, Mum, that doesn't matter.
This is so cool.

164
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,240
[horn honking]

165
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:53,320
[laughing]

166
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,480
That is the gayest car
I've ever seen.

167
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,040
Oh, no...

168
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:02,880
Dad. Really?

169
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:04,800
Really?

170
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,040
It might not look much,
but it's a great little runner.

171
00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,400
You won't be able to get up
enough speed to kill yourself.

172
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:10,600
I don't want it.

173
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,360
Come on, it's a special edition.

174
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,280
A Hawaii. I bet your mates
at school will think it's cool.

175
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:16,880
I can't go to school in it!

176
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,120
Well, if I was a girl,

177
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,520
I'd think whoever drove this
was pretty trendy.

178
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:23,400
Are you trying to wind me up?
Why are you saying these things?

179
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,680
I think you should just be a bit
more grateful, to be honest.

180
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,440
Oh, Christ,
it's got a tape deck.

181
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:28,800
See, that's good.

182
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,920
No, it's not! You can't even
buy tapes anymore.

183
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,720
Oh, you're being
melodramatic again.

184
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,920
Now, why don't you go
and show Will?

185
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,080
I bet he'll be jealous.

186
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:39,160
Yeah, he'll be really jealous
of how yellow it is.

187
00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,280
And be careful,

188
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,200
that's the most valuable present
you'll ever get.

189
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,600
-I fucking hope not.
-I heard that!

190
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,680
[Will] The good news
 was that Simon had passed.

191
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:51,880
The not-so-good news

192
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,000
was bright yellow
 and parked in my driveway.

193
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:55,920
Well, I don't think
it's too bad.

194
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,680
It's not great, though, is it?

195
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,080
No. But don't look at
the external realities, think of

196
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,600
-the immense possibilities.
-What?

197
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,520
Yes, it's a Cinquecento Hawaii,
but it's also freedom.

198
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:08,200
It's the possibility
of driving our own destiny.

199
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,080
We can be what we want now,

200
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,200
push our lives literally in
the direction we want them to...

201
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:13,720
Oh, Christ, is that a tape deck?

202
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,280
-Check out the Bendermobile.
-It looks like a pedo's car.

203
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,640
He's jealous 'cause his family
haven't discovered fire yet.

204
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:21,960
-You fucking what, McKenzie?
-Nothing.

205
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,440
Oh, hello, Mrs. McKenzie.

206
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,560
Oh, hello, Mark.
Is this your car?

207
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:26,920
No, it's Cooper's.

208
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:27,800
Oh.

209
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:29,960
-Shame about the color, Simon.
-Right.

210
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,240
Um, Mum,
we're just off to Thorpe Park.

211
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,480
We're running a bit late
so we should probably go now.

212
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:37,840
Thorpe Park? To ride
roller coasters? Is it safe?

213
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,960
Yes, it's incredibly safe.

214
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:41,120
Won't you be frightened?

215
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:42,720
You cried when you went
on the Ghost Train.

216
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:43,840
[laughing]

217
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,800
I was five years old!
Mum, please!

218
00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,480
[Mrs. McKenzie]
I just worry about you, petal.

219
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:49,840
Ooh, actually,
I should get you a jumper.

220
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,040
Go! Just drive before
she gets back.

221
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:54,960
[engine starting]

222
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,320
[Will] Simon's dad
 needn't have worried.

223
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:08,800
There was no danger of him

224
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,760
getting up enough speed
 to kill himself,

225
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:11,960
despite the fact Thorpe Park

226
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,480
would be shutting
 in a few hours.

227
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,280
-Where's your new car, Si?
-Round here.

228
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,280
Fuck me!

229
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,680
Do you get a free Barbie when
you buy one of these? Shotgun!

230
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,480
-After you.
-I called shotgun.

231
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:24,640
-What?
-Shotgun.

232
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,000
It means I get the front seat.

233
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,960
In what way
could it possibly mean that?

234
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:28,920
It just does.

235
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,120
Look, we drove over here
with me in the front seat.

236
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,520
We've come to pick you up,
we've picked you up.

237
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,360
Now in you get and I'll return
to my previous position.

238
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,360
It's not happening, freak.
I called shotgun.

239
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,120
-He's right, he did call it.
-What?

240
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,440
-You're backing him?
-Get in the back, Will.

241
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,920
Ow! All right,
I'm getting in. Get off!

242
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,720
I'm hyperreflexic,
my bones will pop out.

243
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,160
[Will] So we had a car.

244
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,080
It was a shit car,
 but it was still a car.

245
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,920
All we needed now
 was some girls.

246
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,280
Aye! Up ahead,
a car full of muff!

247
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:00,960
Pull alongside them, Si.

248
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,640
I can't. I'm not turning left.
It's against the Highway Code.

249
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,160
-Well, just beep them.
-No.

250
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,400
-Don't be such a pussy!
-Oi! No! Get off!

251
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,480
All right, all right.

252
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:11,880
-[horn honking]
-[groans]

253
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,160
Hello, lovelies! Follow them.

254
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,640
[Simon] All right, I suppose.

255
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:18,920
[engine sputters]

256
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,040
[Simon] Shit, I stalled it.

257
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,720
Oh, you dickhead.
They're getting away.

258
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,640
You make it sound like
we're about to attack them.

259
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:25,960
I can't believe
you lost the muff wagon.

260
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,240
What were we going to do anyway?

261
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,600
Follow them until they're forced
to drive to a police station?

262
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:33,040
[Jay] They love it, you tool.
It's called flirting.

263
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,800
Yeah, a terrifying and
unsolicited form of flirting.

264
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,440
If you didn't drive
like such an old woman,

265
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:38,960
we might actually
catch up with them.

266
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:41,720
I'm not going to risk our necks
for some random girls.

267
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:42,960
I'd give a left bollock
for them.

268
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,120
So get a fucking move on.

269
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,640
I think that's them up ahead.

270
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,360
Yes! We've caught up with them.
Do a left.

271
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,200
-What're you doing? Pull out.
-No.

272
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:52,520
[Will] There's a space,
you can go now.

273
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,560
[Simon] No, it's not safe.

274
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,440
Are you winding me up?
Look, go now!

275
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,560
[Will] Thorpe Park is going
to be closing soon, Si.

276
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,360
Look, fuck off, all right!
I've just passed my test.

277
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:01,280
I'm not gonna crash

278
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,800
'cause you twats
can't wait two minutes.

279
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,240
Just fucking go!

280
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,720
-There's a gap! Quickly!
-All right! For fuck's sake!

281
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:15,320
[imperceptible]

282
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:18,920
Oh, shit.

283
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,440
[Simon] Now look what
you've made me do.

284
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:21,960
Oh, God!

285
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,440
Why are they going
so fucking slowly?

286
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,600
Yeah, I mean, it's almost as if
they don't want to see

287
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:29,240
their dearly departed
fly out the back onto the A320.

288
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,400
[Simon] Oh, God!

289
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,720
[Will] It wasn't a great start
 to our first road trip

290
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:36,960
and knowing our luck, they'd be
 burying him at Thorpe Park.

291
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,000
It's fair to say

292
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,560
overtaking dead bodies
 wasn't Simon's strong point.

293
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,480
By the time we finally got
 to Thorpe Park,

294
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:44,600
we only had two hours

295
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,160
of valuable
 roller coaster time left.

296
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,560
I can't believe you lost
the muff, you bellend.

297
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:51,600
They were giving us the come-on.

298
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,440
Yeah, by driving away
as fast as possible.

299
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,080
They wanted us to chase them.

300
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,840
But it's hard to have a chase
when you don't go over 30.

301
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,160
It's 30 for a reason.

302
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:01,320
Look, I think we should remember

303
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:02,960
-today's about roller coasters.
-[clutch plate rattles]

304
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,880
And Simon's got us here safely.

305
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,480
I thought it was about me,
passing my test.

306
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,120
Yes. As well.

307
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,440
But mainly
it's about Nemesis Inferno.

308
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,200
No, today's about tits.

309
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,720
-And we are in luck. Get them.
-[Simon] Right.

310
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:17,880
[Jay] Park it!

311
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,840
-Quickly, you dickhead.
-Fuck off!

312
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,480
I'm not waiting any longer.

313
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:34,240
Oh, no!

314
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:36,760
Oh, shit!

315
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,880
Oh, dear. Your dad's not
going to be pleased, is he?

316
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,760
God, look what you've done.
Christ, I've only had it a day!

317
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,400
Oh, you're in the shit!

318
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,440
-Where you going?
-My dad's going to go mental.

319
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,840
-I've got to get this fixed.
-But the roller coasters.

320
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,720
I don't care.
I have to get this fixed.

321
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,000
But Simon, we've come so far.

322
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,480
Neil's sister's boyfriend
is a mechanic. He'll fix it.

323
00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,760
-Is he?
-Well, there you go, then!

324
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:01,000
We'll go and find Neil,

325
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,600
his sister's boyfriend
will fix the car,

326
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,480
and your dad will be
none the wiser.

327
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,040
As we've traveled all this way,

328
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,160
we might as well
enjoy the rides.

329
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:09,640
But my car...

330
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,440
Simon, look at me. Look at me!

331
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,920
I guarantee the Nemesis Inferno
will cheer you up.

332
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:16,920
Or think about them lovelies.

333
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,920
They're in there
with their tits and that.

334
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,240
Come on,
let's go and find Neil for you.

335
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:22,560
Can't we just phone him?

336
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,920
He's at work, Si.
He can't take personal calls.

337
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,360
We're going to have to go in,
if we want to talk to him.

338
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,280
What about my car door?
What if someone nicks it?

339
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:30,320
We'll take it with us.

340
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,080
They'll definitely have
a place to store it.

341
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,120
[sighs] Fine. For fuck's sake.

342
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:37,720
We have baby-changing

343
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,480
and disabled access
for limited rides.

344
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:40,400
Right.

345
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,680
Not really what I asked, though.

346
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,840
We don't have anywhere
to store car doors.

347
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:47,960
Turns out they don't have
anywhere to store car doors.

348
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,440
Knew it. Fine. We'll take turns
carrying it, then.

349
00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:51,520
I'm not carrying it.

350
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,680
Fuck not carrying it. You're
paying for it as well, mate.

351
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:54,880
Me? Why?

352
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,800
-Because you ripped it off.
-You reversed!

353
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,040
But you're the one
who ripped it off!

354
00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,680
Hey! Let's not argue.

355
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,680
Let's just get in there,
have some fun.

356
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,280
Face it.
If you could park properly,

357
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:04,200
this wouldn't have happened.

358
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,960
Yeah? I'm the only one who can
drive, so you can fuck off.

359
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,920
I can drive. I took an army
driving course when I was ten.

360
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,160
Bollocks, you still wet the bed
when you were ten.

361
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,120
[Jay] Yeah, I wet
your mum's bed, with my spunk.

362
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,120
[Simon] Yeah, brilliant.

363
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,120
[Will] When we got
 into the park,

364
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,720
I realized
 it had been worth ruining

365
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,120
a dignified man's funeral for.

366
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,280
It was amazing.

367
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,480
We may have lost
 the, hmm, tits,

368
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,640
but the roller coaster
 was still in our sights.

369
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,200
First up, we had to find Neil,

370
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,520
if only to stop Simon
bitching about his car.

371
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:34,040
-I'm not paying for it.
-Yes, you are.

372
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,320
-Good luck with that.
-[Will] Let's just find Neil.

373
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:37,680
What's that?

374
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,000
[gibbering]

375
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,480
Are you all right, Mr. Monkey?

376
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,800
-[grunts] It hurts!
-Does he need help?

377
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:44,720
Help! Help!

378
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,520
Not up my nose! Not my nose!

379
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,760
-He's gone mental.
-[Will] Poor fucker.

380
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:53,480
-A wasp!
-Neil!

381
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,000
Wasp! In me costume!

382
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:57,040
[all laughing]

383
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:02,800
Oh, God, that hurts.

384
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,000
Stupid bloody wasps!

385
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,120
Neil, I need to speak to you
about your sister's boyfriend.

386
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:09,760
Oh, Jesus, Neil!

387
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,640
Christ, you're naked
under there.

388
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:12,680
[Jay groans]

389
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,120
I don't think it's a good idea
to be naked

390
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,840
if you're working with kids.

391
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,200
Mr. Monkey isn't naked.
He's got a waistcoat and a hat.

392
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,800
No, not Mr. Monkey, Neil. You.

393
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,880
-But I'm in the suit.
-Yes, naked.

394
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:24,880
Look, I'm in agony here.

395
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,360
Put some of that cream
on my stings.

396
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,080
-God, all right, then.
-The worst ones are on my back.

397
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:29,960
And arse.

398
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,280
[Jay] Fuck that!
Look, you lot can stay here

399
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:33,560
and finger Neil's arse
if you want to,

400
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:34,800
but I'm off to find the clunge.

401
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,400
Neil, seriously, can you
put it away, so we can talk?

402
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,560
Put some clothes on.

403
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:40,880
All right. All right.

404
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:44,960
Oh, not again. [laughs]

405
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,280
-What?
-They're always doing this.

406
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,200
They're bonkers.
They've nicked my clothes.

407
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:50,440
Where would they put them?

408
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,880
I don't know. Last time
this happened, they burnt them.

409
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:53,760
Burnt them?

410
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,360
Please hurry up. We can't go
on the roller coaster

411
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:56,680
if you're naked.

412
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,480
Don't worry. I'll get something
out of the lost property bin.

413
00:15:58,560 --> 00:15:59,560
There's always stuff in there.

414
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,680
[Will] With the stench
 from Neil's arse

415
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,160
still hot in my nostrils,
 we headed for Nemesis.

416
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,400
Though technically dressed,

417
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,360
the clothes Neil had picked
 from lost property

418
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,160
made him look surprisingly like
 a Brazilian male prostitute.

419
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,360
I've just seen the clunge
head towards Nemesis.

420
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,440
Sounds like
they're thrill-seekers, too.

421
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,240
I hope
they're cock-seekers, too.

422
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:20,480
-Brilliant.
-See you.

423
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,280
Neil, I seriously need to speak
to you about my car.

424
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:24,320
What?

425
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,920
Your sister's boyfriend
works in a garage, doesn't he?

426
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,080
-Yeah, he works in a garage.
-Will he be working tonight?

427
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,560
Probably, he works
most evenings.

428
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,480
Brilliant, perfect,
that's sorted.

429
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,680
The park's about to close
so we'll go on Nemesis now

430
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,520
and deal with the car later.
But we'll go on Nemesis now.

431
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:37,760
I suppose so.

432
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:39,720
[cell phone ringing]

433
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:42,200
Oh.

434
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:44,160
Hello.

435
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,280
Yes, I got your text.

436
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,080
Yes, I'm safe.

437
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,520
-No, I'm not crying.
-[Simon chuckles]

438
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,360
[Will] So far,
 the only terrifying experience

439
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,720
I'd had all day was seeing
 Neil's cock and balls,

440
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,200
but now the Nemesis Inferno
 was tantalizingly close.

441
00:16:58,280 --> 00:16:59,560
[male announcer]This is your last chance

442
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,400
to queue for Nemesis Inferno.

443
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,040
The ride is now closing.

444
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,280
-Shit, still an hour queue.
-That's nothing.

445
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:06,480
I once waited three hours

446
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,680
for the Indiana Jones ride
at Disneyland Paris.

447
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,560
-You are mental.
-Mental.

448
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,400
Why is enjoying things mental?

449
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,160
This place is full of muff,

450
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,840
but you're only interested
in roller coasters.

451
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:17,640
Girls are everywhere, Jay.

452
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,400
The best rides in the country
are only here.

453
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:20,760
You sound like you're 40.

454
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,880
I'm queuing. And I'm getting
in a separate queue

455
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,920
for the front four seats.
The front's the best.

456
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,000
The ride is now closing.

457
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,000
Si, are you coming?

458
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,200
You sure your sister's boyfriend
will be working tonight, Neil?

459
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,040
Yeah, I told you
he works evenings.

460
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,760
Well, that's sorted then! Now,
can we please get on the ride?

461
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,160
[Jay] Shotgun the outside seats.

462
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,200
[Will] No, you can't shotgun
a roller coaster.

463
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:39,280
[Jay] Well, I just did.

464
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,920
Oh, yes!

465
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,680
You know this is one
of the only two versions

466
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,000
of this roller coaster
outside of the US?

467
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,120
And I promise,

468
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,920
although it's taken
a little bit longer...

469
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,400
Half a fucking hour longer.

470
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,160
...to queue for the front,
it will be worth it.

471
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,880
Unencumbered thrills.

472
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,160
And we can come back
all year thanks to Neil.

473
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,120
-Come on, we're up.
-Room for one more at the front.

474
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,560
-Sorry?
-One more at the front.

475
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,880
How can there possibly be room
for only one more at the front?

476
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,760
Well, there's three people
on the front

477
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:09,920
so there's a spare seat there.

478
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,000
Yeah, let's just rewind a bit,
shall we?

479
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,800
Why are there now three people
at the front?

480
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,760
-Sir, if you could just get on.
-They've pushed in.

481
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,080
We spent over an hour

482
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,960
queuing specifically for
the front and they've pushed in.

483
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,120
-Sir...
-Get them off!

484
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,640
Get them off and make them move!

485
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:23,520
Fucking pushing in.

486
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:24,800
It doesn't matter.
We'll sit at the back.

487
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:25,680
Sir--

488
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:28,320
Are they so dumb
they think it's okay to push in!

489
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:29,360
Make them move!

490
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,960
Shut up, you plum,
and get on the ride.

491
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,200
Sir, it's the last ride
of the day. Please get on.

492
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,000
Will, honestly,
it doesn't matter. Just get on.

493
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,080
Fine! Fucking fine!

494
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,800
I'll just get on
and sit at the front

495
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,600
next to these
inconsiderate arseholes.

496
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,280
I'm the worst human being
in the world.

497
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,480
[people screaming]

498
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,120
[Will] When I look back
 on my life,

499
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,640
I'm pretty sure
 that ride will be a low point.

500
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,120
With a bit of luck,

501
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,200
the others wouldn't find out
 who I'd insulted.

502
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:35,960
[Simon] They were on the front?

503
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,200
Oh, no, Will.

504
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,200
Oh, my God.

505
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:43,720
-Will...
-Oh, my God.

506
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,240
-Don't!
-[Simon] Arseholes?

507
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,680
-This is the best!
-You're going to hell.

508
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:48,560
[Will] Please don't.

509
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,440
[Will] So I'd finally
 got to ride the Nemesis,

510
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,680
which wasn't as much fun
 as I'd hoped.

511
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,560
It would be
 a long journey home,

512
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,600
made longer
 by Simon carrying the door

513
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,760
and my heavy sense of shame.

514
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:01,240
Well, it can't be
too hard to find.

515
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:02,960
It's the color of my nan's piss.

516
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,840
Why are you watching
your nan piss?

517
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,440
Oh, Christ! What am I going to
say to my parents?

518
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:08,640
Will the door go back on?

519
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:09,800
Stop shitting yourself.

520
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,600
Neil said his sister's boyfriend
will be able to fix it.

521
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:13,920
No, he won't be able
to fix that.

522
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:14,800
What?

523
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,040
You said he'd be able to fix it.
You said he worked in a garage.

524
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:18,800
He does, BP garage.

525
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,080
He mucks about with cars,

526
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,120
but he won't be able to fix that
in a million years.

527
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:23,600
The door's come off.

528
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,480
This is a disaster.
My dad's going to go mad.

529
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,680
It'll be fine. We'll find
someone else to fix it.

530
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,360
I know a bloke
who builds Formula One cars.

531
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:31,320
He owes me a favor.

532
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,240
Your make-believe friend
can't fix it.

533
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:34,720
We'll find a mechanic
on the way back.

534
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:35,720
It can't be too hard.

535
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,320
As long as it's fixed
good as new,

536
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,440
and my parents don't know,
that's all I care about.

537
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,560
Over here it is, car park D.

538
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:43,480
Ah.

539
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,000
Oh, dear.

540
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:46,080
What the fuck has happened?

541
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:53,760
Holy shit! What's happened?

542
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,640
At least they left
the tape deck.

543
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,840
[Simon] I don't believe this.

544
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,640
There's no explaining this
to my dad.

545
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,280
I mean, who and why?

546
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,320
[horn honking]

547
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,880
Yes, that makes sense.

548
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,560
Fuckers, let's get them.

549
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,360
Jay, I'm not going to
chase after

550
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,240
and then fight
the Happy Foundation bus.

551
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:15,920
How are we getting home, then?

552
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,120
[Will] It's true.
 Girls do like cars.

553
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,160
They just don't like
 shitty little yellow cars

554
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,440
that ruin funerals

555
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,480
and don't have all the doors
 they were made with.

556
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,080
Girls are also less keen
 on boys who wear Speedos,

557
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,040
borderline sex pests,

558
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,800
and people
 who insult the disabled.

559
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,040
Inconsiderate arseholes!

560
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:38,960
But it's not all bad.

561
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,480
What we learned today is
there isn't a car on the planet

562
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,840
that can make us cool,
 whatever state it was in.

563
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,840
Dad... What you need to know
is it wasn't my fault.

564
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,600
Well, I'm sorry,
but it wasn't my fault!

565
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,840
♪ I've just had
 The craziest week ♪

566
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:59,720
♪ Like a party bag of lies
 Booze and then deceit ♪

567
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,200
♪ So I'm moving to New York ♪

568
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,440
♪ 'Cause I've got issues
 With my sleep ♪

569
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,880
♪ Looks like
 Christmas came early ♪

570
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,840
♪ Christmas came early for me ♪